Something bothers you in the night so you didn’t sleep so well. Maybe it was a car alarm or just the wind. Doesn’t matter – you wake up feeling you haven’t rested enough and start to dread the day ahead. You are late so you are rushing breakfast and you burn the toast. Perhaps it’s made you late getting the kids off to school so you end up rushing and forget their gym kit. You get to your desk and your PC is taking an age to load some update that you never asked for and now you are going to be late to finish that report that needs to be sent today.
We’ve all been in that doom spiral where your day goes from bad to worse and you seem to be rushing from one crisis to the next.
Sometimes that happens on the macro scale too. A change in employment or relationship causes a domino effect and your life feels like it is falling apart. That may lead to depression or anxiety which makes us not want to socialise so we lose the network of support at our time of most need. Many of us will have experienced this kind of downward spiral, or at least know someone who has.
But there is another kind of spiral that works in the opposite direction. Psychologist Dr Barbara Fredrickson discusses people's ‘positivity ratio’, the ratio between positive and negative emotions. She notes that:
“…a fascinating fact about people’s positivity ratios is that they’re subject to a tipping point. Below a certain ratio, people get pulled into a downward spiral fuelled by negativity. Their behaviour becomes painfully predictable—even rigid. They feel burdened—at times even lifeless. Yet above this same ratio, people seem to take off, drawn along an upward spiral energised by positivity. Their behaviour becomes less predictable and more creative. They grow. They feel uplifted and alive.”[i]
Now note that I am not for a minute suggesting that all people who are depressed or anxious have to do is have positive thoughts to get them out of the spiral. They may need some help to get them out of the problems they are experiencing, whether that be therapy for mental health issues or help with addictions, but most people can benefit from becoming aware of tactics that can help them become more positive.
So how do we maximise our chances of climbing the upward spiral that leads to more positive emotions and a more happy and fulfilled life? A major step in the right direction is to make sure you are not obsessing about things that are outside of your control. The Stoic philosopher Epictetus said,
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power or our will.”
Another big step is to let go of the idea that worrying about something is going to somehow solve it. I think we are all guilty of this, but as Epictetus reminds us,
“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.”
I went into this idea in more detail in a previous blog.
So some major shifts in perspective can increase our happiness, but there are also many tools and tactics that may be used in our day-to-day lives, including gratitude practices, mindfulness and deliberately fostering social connections. I will talk about these in future blogs, but the tactic I am going to focus on today is savouring.
First of all, though, in case you are in any doubt, let’s get clear on the benefits of intentionally increasing positivity in your life.
Dr Fredrickson reveals the following facts established by her research.
Positivity feels good. Obvious, but noticing positive emotions creates an impetus to have more of the same. It’s important to note that positive emotions are ephemeral—it is unrealistic to expect to feel positive all the time, but we can all certainly work to feel more positive.
Positivity changes how your mind works. Positivity doesn’t just swap out bad thoughts for good but it also broadens the range of possibilities that you see as open to you.
Positivity transforms your future. Dr Fredrickson calls her theory of positivity “Broaden and Build”. According to this theory, experiencing positive emotions broadens “thought-action repertoires” enabling us to draw on a wide range of possible thoughts and actions following positive emotions. For example, if we meet a new person and we are in a positive frame of mind, we are more likely to strike up a friendship than if we were in a negative state.
Positivity obeys a tipping point. As mentioned above, the effects of positivity are nonlinear. Once a tipping point is reached, there may follow a cascade of positive emotions and thoughts that help to perpetuate themselves.
You can increase your positivity. Like building muscles, you can work on your positivity to create a more happy, playful, creative and fulfilling life.[ii]
So what is savouring? Fred Bryant and Joseph Veroff, define savouring as attending, appreciating, and enhancing positive experiences that occur in one’s life.[iii] In other words, rather than just skipping past a positive experience, if we savour it then we take the time to pay attention to the experience and how it is making us feel.
They define three types of savouring:
Savouring the past—reminiscing about the past and bringing to mind the positive emotions experienced.
Savouring the present—mindfully experience the present moment and the positive emotions arising from it, such as enjoying delicious food.
Savouring the future—anticipating the future with positive affect, such as planning and thinking about a forthcoming holiday.
Although there is, obviously, some overlap with other concepts, such as mindfulness, meditation, daydreaming and flow, the authors draw distinctions. Hence, savouring is more focused than mindfulness, less transcendent than meditation, more in touch with the environment than daydreaming and more focused on the experience than the flow state.
So how can we incorporate savouring into our day-to-day lives?
One obvious one is to be very mindful when eating and pay attention to how the food smells, tastes and feels in our mouths. When I remember to do this I enjoy my meals much more and some say it helps you to regulate how much you are eating.
Another is to savour the really simple things in life, like taking a nice hot shower. When I remember to do this I am amazed by how wonderful it feels to have hot water cascading over my body and nice-smelling products to wash it with.
I also try to really savour moments walking with my dogs such as noticing the wildflowers that grow in the hedgerows; watching the intensity with which the dogs approach their sniffing; and loving how they shake themselves to get rid of the strong emotions they feel after seeing a squirrel!
You might also want to try these three interventions, highlighted by Positive Psychology[iv] which all have some evidence of benefit.
Past-focussed interventions
Thinking about positive events[v]
Spending 15 minutes throughout three days savouring a positive experience by actively reflecting on thoughts and emotions related to it was found effective in enhancing well-being and happiness.
Positive reminiscence[vi]
Spending two sessions of 10 minutes each day over one week using memorabilia or positive imagery to reminiscence about positive events demonstrated increased positive emotions.
Future Focussed Interventions
Positive Imagination[vii]
Visualizing four positive events that are likely to happen tomorrow each day for two weeks can increase positive emotions.
Visualising the future you want for yourself can also bring positive emotions as well as help you to achieve that future. By this, I don’t mean some nebulous idea of hoping for a million pounds and somehow the universe will deliver it, but rather mechanisms and tactics to help align your behaviours, emotions and beliefs to a future goal. I will return to this in a future blog post but for now, I will mention a practice which I do every day. At the end of my morning meditation, I spend a couple of minutes bringing to mind that which I am grateful for, and then I spend a minute imagining the future I want. I make it as concrete as possible, for example, I imagine having a conversation with someone describing my day.
I hope you found this useful and I will leave you with this quote from politician, scientist and polymath Sir John Lubbock:
“Happiness is a thing to be practised, like the violin.”
[i] Fredrickson, B (2010) Positivity. Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive. Oneworld Publications. PP21 (Kindle Edition)
[ii] Ibid. PP15-16
[iii] Bryant, F & Veroff, J (2007) Savoring. A New Model of Positive Experience. Psychology Press
[iv] Positive Psychology Website. https://positivepsychology.com/savoring/
[v] Sonja Lyubomirsky , Lorie Sousa, Rene Dickerhoof (2006) The costs and benefits of writing, talking, and thinking about life's triumphs and defeats. Journal of Personal and Social Psychology.
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